A Light Amidst Utter Darkness

Darkness. Running. Lungs screaming.  Tears streaming.  

Broken.  I fall.  

But this time,

It’s different.

I fall on my knees. 

And I pray. 

For I know His grace is enough, it’s all I need.

His strength comes into its own in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:8)

I walk uphill, unsure of my footing, in utter darkness. 

But this time,

It’s different.

1 small flame flickers lighting my path.  I am NOT alone.   A calm overwhelms my spirit. 

If I had never run, if I had never fallen, I’m not sure I would have known this is what I want.

And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.  (2 Corinthians 12:10)

Life is like a Box of Chocolates...Scratch that...

Metaphorically, my life resembles a closet.  Inside my closet lies hidden potential; however, it is cluttered with items that no longer fit…Yet, I can’t seem to get rid of them.  I rationalize their place in my closet/life.  Sure it doesn’t fit me anymore but what if I lose weight/gain weight? Sure it’s sort of faded but it’s soft.  Sure it’s out of style but what if it appears on the cover of Vogue next month? Sure this relationship isn’t healthy but what if I can change the person? Sure this is a sin but there are worse sins out there.  Sure I’m not following God that close but I am doing WAY better than that guy.   

Many outfits hang in my closet each serving a specific purpose… my church clothes, my work clothes, my workout clothes, my lounging-around-the-house clothes…etc.  Sometimes I feel that is how I go about my daily life…putting on the right outfit to fit in.  I am in front of Barb and Lars (the parents)… make them proud.  I am at work… act responsible.  I am with my non-religious friends… don’t share the gospel. 

…Everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go…Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.   (Ephesians 4:22-24, Message)

I just cleaned out my closet literally and I couldn’t feel better about it!  I was harsh and threw away everything that didn’t fit my new lifestyle.  Now, getting dressed is fun and easy because I don’t have to sift through all the riffraff to find what I am looking for.  I also found clothes I didn’t know I owned.   

Feeling so energized about my newly organized closet, I thought, why not tackle my metaphorical closet?  Hopefully in the process I’ll find spiritual gifts I didn’t know I had. 

Winston: Pet or Preacher!?

Winston has been teaching me so much about life and, therefore, due to popular demand, I am blogging…again.

#1 Finding Love, Avoiding Failure

 

Sunday, the day the Lord has made.

Sunday June 5^th, the day I tried to buy happiness. 

Since I was a wee tot, I had always wanted a puppy.  Note to self, NEVER purchase a puppy at 8pm and plan on sleeping that same night.  Winston is a 1.6 pound, 12 week old, maltipoo puppy (Maltese and poodle) and quite possibly the cutest thing EVER...true, I may be biased.  :) 

I imagine my first few hours with Winston were comparable to those of a new mother.  I was in a state of panic wondering if I would have what it takes to raise a young pup.  It was uncharted territory… a new adventure.  Would he learn to trust me? Would he grow up to be big and strong? 

Would I fail him?

 

As the hours progressed, I began to answer my questions.  Unbeknownst to me, puppies will continue to eat food if it is placed in front of them regardless if they are hungry.  Ironically humans have the same tendency…hmmm.  To make a long story short, Winston got sick.  Immediately, I saw this set back as my fault.  At this point, I would like to tell you that things took a turn for the best and Winston became self-sufficient.  Wrong.  He had potty accident after potty accident that night and whimpered until the wee hours of the morning.       

I was ready to throw in the towel.  I was NOT cut out to be a provider.  He would be much better in someone else’s hands.  I was beginning to believe the lies.  In an emotional and exhausted state, I did what any child would do…I ran to my mommy.  With a tear stained face, I told Barb I was taking him back.  I had buyer’s remorse.  It happens so frequently in our society… we have hopes that the splurge will fill the aching void only to discover our ignorance post-purchase.   Barb asked me a simple question… “why?”.  My response was brutally honest: he doesn’t love me and I failed him. 

For the past 21 years, that is how I’ve lived my life: (A) Look for love (B) Don’t fail. 

As I began to recount the tale to my friends, their responses shocked me.  I live my life the same way.  So now that we were all in the same boat, how do we find a new vessel?  How do we fill the void?     

I believe the answer lies in our provider…God.  Thankfully, he is unlike me and doesn’t consider throwing in the towel.  He sees our potential and is patient.  He is excited to train us.  God’s love for us is SO much more than “puppy love”.  Just as I am there for Winston, He is there for us…now is a good time to mention that I didn’t get rid of my puppy.  He will be there to celebrate the little victories in our lives (Winston going potty outside) and to carry us when we need help (carrying Winston up the stairs).  While Winston follows close behind my heels, I can’t help but ask…Why am I not following God this close?    

I Sincerely Apologize for Sucking at Blogging

Sooooooo... The first week I was here my life was scheduled down to the minute (in military time) so I didn't have time to blog... then it got to the point were it had been so long I felt it wasn't necessary/dreaded it... but now it is to the point were I feel guilty... so I'm blogging again! =D

I will only be sharing the highlights because I despise writing! K great!

LIVING:


Day 1: 
I met my roomie about 10 min after I arrived.  Our first convo went something like this...
Scene (filling out paperwork...both in complete shock)
Paige: Did you forget your cell phone number!?
Me: Ehhh yup! Did you!?
Paige: (As she is looking hers up on her iphone) Yup! Here let me help you find yours on your iphone...
After that incident... I knew it was a match made in heaven :p

*side note: there was this huge fiasco becoming her roomie... basically I spent a day jumping thru hoops for Disney nbd.

Background on the roomie: She is from Huntington Beach, California (aka surf city USA). She is a freshman in college but you can't tell! She went to school in Hawaii last semester and hated it...weird. She has a twin.  Her dad is marrying Goldie.  Basically, she is the best roomie ever...so legit!

Our apartment is pretty BA.  There is a kitchen, living room, 2 bathrooms, and walk-in closets in each bedroom!  I live at Vista Way with 5 other girls (if you want my actual address to send me care packages and such please contact me! ... according to Barb... I should never post personal info online!)  I'm SUPER lucky because I honestly love all 5 of my roommates.  Three are from Puerto Rico and the other is from the states.  Claudia, Maria, and Sophia are from Puerto Rico.  I work at Typhoon Lagoon (Disney's water park) with Claudia.  We are both lifeguards.  They are all gorgeous and sweet.  I'll have to post a pic of all of us together.

WORK:


I went thru the most intense lifeguard training of my life and can honestly say I know CPR for the first time ever! I had to watch a human-being drown... it was heart wrenchingly, stomach upsettingly AWFUL!  On the brightside, my trainers name was Sean Kidd and he was "the man".  He made the training fun/productive.  He did a lot of interesting drills with us to show us how important watching the water/our job is.  :)

Not long after I was here I tried out to be Tinkerbell but I'm too tall...DRAT! I'm never too tall for anything.

Currently, I'm being re-casted to Seven Seas Children Activities at the Grand Floridian and Polynesian Resorts.  Obvi I work with kids.  I get to throw tea parties at my new job and drive a pirate ship...Basically I will have the sweetest job EVER as soon as my background check is cleared.

SCHOOL:


While I'm here I will be taking a Disney Exploration Series class on Marketing.  There are 8 - 3 hr sessions while I am here.  During these sessions, different Disney executives come and talk about the Disney brand.  I feel it will be a good way to "get my foot in the door".  My class starts March 4th.


PLAY:

Seriously the BEST part.  I work four days a week, have class one day, and play two days.  I can get into any park... anytime... for free including parking.  So... I can just go at 9pm to watch the fireworks in Epcot or to dinner (I'm planning on eating around the world while I'm here) and leave right after.  Or I can wake up at early and stay all day.  It's awesome!  In addition to the parks, Daytona Beach is about an hour away if you hit traffic right (I went on the Saturday before the Daytona 500 = dumb!).  There is a mall less than 10 min from where I live, a starbucks across the street, a panera down the street, and a Target down the street the other direction... basically my life is smashing (please read that in a british accent).

Today with my day off I woke up at 11:30am, worked out, drove my roomie to work, laid by the pool, blogged, skyped, and am about to nap!

*Random side-notes:

The ABCs are currently visiting the Disney parks... Alaskans, Brits, and Canadians.

I got fingerprinted... interesting.  That is actually how I get into the parks.  I slide my Disney ID (aka my VIP card) into the machine and then get fingerprinted electronically so they know I'm legit.  If the green light flashes then I'm good to go!

P.S. At home my rents are doing some remodeling and building this garage/carriage house thing which means I GET A NEW ROOM.  Lars sent me an email with the drawing of what my new room/apartment is going to look like...AH I can't wait!

And finally... I booked a flight home (well to the ville) to celebrate my 21st birthday!!! YAY!

One more story... so one day I arrive home from work to see a firetruck sitting outside my apartment building... my initial reaction... oh crap! what did I forget to turn off... about this time it dawns on me that I never use heat for cooking so it probz wasn't my fault. :) What actually happened... a Brazilian hung a shirt on the sprinkler which triggered it causing all the apartments below her to flood.  Thankfully, my apartment was safe.  All of those tenants had to move out.  They have been doing construction ever since that minor catastrophe... awesome!

OMG ORLANDO!!!

I have arrived alive!!! YAY! The sunshine state lives up to its name...it is so bright and beautiful here.  I don't really have a lot to share from today.  The driving has def got to me I'm exhausted.

So close yet so far away!

Point to ponder:  


The way you see your life shapes your life.  If asked how you picture your life, what image would come to your mind? That image is your life metaphor.  If you think life is a party, you value having fun.  It you think life is a race, you value speed and will always be in a hurry.  If you think life is a game, you value winning.  God's view of life: Life is a test, Life is a trust, and life is a temporary assignment.

Life on earth is a Test: 
God continually tests people's character, faith, obedience, love, integrity, and loyalty.  Character is both developed and revealed by tests, and all of life is a test.  You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and even senseless tragedies.  A very important test is how you act when you can't feel God's presence in your life.  When you understand that life is a test, you realize that nothing is insignificant in your life.  Every day is an important day, and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen your character, to demonstrate love, or to depend on God.  The good news is that God wants you to pass the tests of life, so he never allows the tests you face to be greater than the grace he gives you to handle them.      
          - Chapter 5 - Purpose Driven Life

____________________________________________

My journey in a nutshell... I woke up at literally the crack of dawn so I went swimming and hot tubbing.  Then I began my insanely long journey to some place I've never heard of which is on the other side of Atlanta, Georgia.  Let me tell you a little story about Atlanta traffic...it's intense.  I'm used to passing the good ol' Amish folk on my way to Kville.  In Atlanta, at one point there was eight lanes of traffic going the same direction.  A couple times there was three merging lanes...what!!!  Also they are chronic speeders...I'm not talking 7 mph over I'm talking 15-20 mph over.  Barb logic...Maybe they don't have speed limits on Sunday (Sadly she was dead serious. Oh and in case you are wondering they do enforce speed limits on Sunday!).  Anyway, I thank my lucky stars that I am able to write about it.  Also, no one informed me of the time change.  I type in my Garmin the address to my hotel and I'm just driving along...I look down and see it's 8pm...5 minutes later it's 9:05 pm and I arrive at my hotel.  Nice surprise!  Another fun fact, there are a zillion palm trees outside my hotel room and not a drop of snow in sight! Feels good!  I can't believe tomorrow I'll be in ORLANDO!!!

Sweet Suite!

I missed a day... so sue me.  =D

Point to Ponder:  I am beyond too tired to come up with one... Words of Wisdom from a Good Friend: "You can sleep when you're dead!" I feel like I've been living this statement to the fullest and I doubt it will change much in Orlando! 

Friday- I'm pulling the number four exception card... spending one last awesome evening with amazing friends takes priority over blogging.  Friday was CrAzY busy.  I left most of my packing until Friday morning...oops (I will try NOT to do this in the future).  Then I drove to Kville...good people...good times...GREAT memories.

Saturday - Woke up...said a few important cya laters... drove to Cape Girardeau, MO.  I am so tired.  My suite is awesome.  They put chocolates on my pillow! Oh the simply joys in life! 

Maybe I'll add to this tomorrow.  Good night world!